Random Thoughts

There are times throughout the day that I realize how selfish of a person I truly am. I say this because I have people in my life that do out of the ordinary things to help others and it just comes naturally for them. Unknowingly, they just constantly remind me how unbelievably lucky I am to have had the privilege of having them in my life. I have always said it doesn't come naturally for me to think of others. (Or so it seems). It always seems that I am self consumed with my own problems--my own needs. That is so not the person I want to be.

I want all the people in my life to know that everyday I become a better person because of their influence. That even though it seems I am stubborn and do not hear a word they say--that I hear EVERY word that they say. The good and the bad.



(Thought change...)

It is so ironic--I can't remember a single thing about my childhood (good memories or bad memories) because of all the painful things that were done to me during those years, but I can tell you specifically what row I was sitting in when I sang at my best friend's mother's funeral--everyone always tells me that I have the worst memory--LOL--There is no denying--it is true--but I spent the 1st 15 years of my life making sure that I didn't remember a single thing just so I could make it through the day. It tears my heart to know now--the one "tool" that I used to help me make it through something so awful--has now become something automatic that I can't turn off.

Now that I have good memories, memories that I have made with people that I love, I have complete masses of time that are literally just blank canvases. That is why now, I take as many pictures that I can, things that I hear people say that just touch my soul and that I want to remember--I write them down--. It isn't that I am getting old and forgetting things--LOL-- it is because this "coping mechanism" (yeah--I know a Dr Phil term) is just ingrained in me--

Love is Patient...

I am completely worn out tonight so this one is going to be quick--I so need to learn patience. Patience in love--patience in life.I will get the hang of it--All I know is there is a reason why good things come to those who wait--I think it is because it causes them to appreciate it even more whenever the right time does come around...makes it sweeter. Hurts like hell at times--but wouldn't be worth it unless it took a while to get there while learning a couple of lessons along the way--

Rainy Days

I think I am addicted to sunshine--rainy days just suppress all the good things (well not literally--figuratively speaking). Today was a day that began with an encounter with a person that ended up being an hour long heart to heart talk. It was one those encounters where you hang on every word they are saying because from somewhere deep inside you know that every word they are speaking is coming from their heart and meant for you. It completely came out of the blue. I went in as a "prelim" interview for a new career opportunity and it became a life-changing moment in time.

The next step in the journey is what I choose to do with the words that were spoken to me. Changes in my life need to be made. I need to make them. Funny thing is, they aren't changes that need to be made in my work life, but in my personal life. If you read my post from yesterday, I have already started making those changes and they are bringing me endless joy everyday-but I still have some roadblocks--well i like to refer to them as speed bumps--left to remove.

I always go back to the analogy someone explained to me once--comparing things that hinder us in our lives to weeds in a garden. If you do not periodically pull the weeds out of the garden, they will eventually "take over" and smother the flowers--and after a while, their beauty will no longer be visible. I already have the sunshine (Eh) now I just need to remove the "weeds" to reveal the beauty of the garden.

Another chapter in life...

I can honestly say I am beginning another chapter in my life that right at this moment is very uncertain, but nontheless, very sweet.

Not many people get the opportunity to have someone come back into their life after several years and be able to just pick back up--like they never were apart. I call it a "lucky" do-over. You always here people say "If only I could go back and do things differently" or "have the chance to tell someone from long ago something that I never was able to tell them back then". Let me tell you--if you ever are given that opportunity for a "lucky" do-over do not let it pass you by.

Even though people change or begin a new chapter in their life, it never erases the chapter that they shared with you. Things are more then likely not the same for either person as they were years before, but who knows what the "unwritten" chapters of our lives hold. A new chapter...a new storyline...a new ending...possibilities are endless...